Name

Captain Haddock didn't know whether to be pleased that he had found Tintin seated in the first room he'd decided to walk into this morning.

"Oh, there you are," said Tintin, turning to face him with the Daily Reporter in his hands. "Look at what the Bordurians have been up to. Ridiculous, isn't it, Captain?"

The Captain sighed inwardly. Calling him "Captain" had reminded him what he had come for. It was almost nothing, really; just a thought that had occurred to him as he was getting out of bed, but it had worried him so much that he had to do something about it.

"Er…Tintin?"

The boy looked up expectantly. "Yes, Captain?'

The Captain cleared his throat. He wasn't sure how to go about this – it was so embarrassing. "Erm…About your name: how did you…I mean…it's not actually…um…"

Tintin frowned. The Captain paused to think, then tried again. "You…Your name. Tintin. Is it really...yours?"

Tintin looked something like puzzled, alarmed, somewhat offended, or maybe even a strange combination of the three. It was very hard to tell with him.

"Why…I don't understand. My name is mine. That's why it's called my name, isn't it?"

This was going exactly the way the Captain had thought it would: exactly the way he did not want it to go. "No! Blistering barnacles, I mean…ah…Is it your surname or your given name…It's just such an odd…an unusual name, er…you get me?"

"I don't see what's so odd about it, Captain. I've had it all my life."

"Oh! So your parents named you…?"

The Captain thought he must sound particularly slow, asking that question, but he'd never heard of the surname Tintin and who on thundering Earth names their child Tintin? Tintin, meanwhile, had put the newspaper down and was studying him as though he might be concerned for his mental health.

"Are you feeling all right, Captain?" he said slowly. "Maybe you should sit down."

"I'm fine!" snapped the Captain irritably, but he took a seat anyway. By thunder, why couldn't he get a straight answer? One might think the lad was doing it on purpose. "I was just thinking, this morning. About your name."

"Oh?"

"I've never known anybody else with your name."

"I could say the same to you, Captain Haddock!"

Captain Haddock groaned. It was much too early for whisky. He muttered to himself about ectoplasms and ostrogoths, then pulled his thoughts together. "See here now, all I wanted was to know how you got your name…"

"Like most people, I was given one-"

"Let me finish, by thunder! I've never heard of such a name before. Everyone calls you Tintin, but…is it just part of your name – and which part – or is it a nickname or a penname…or a nickname that's a penname, or maybe even your full name – though how in the bilious blue…"

The Captain's voice trailed off as he realised he was rambling. To his amazement, Tintin's brow, which had been furrowed for the past few minutes, actually cleared, giving way to eyes lit up in comprehension.

"Oh!' he gasped in surprise, and then proceeded to say nothing else.

This exasperated the Captain immensely, but before he could start to splutter any tongue-twisters, he noticed that Tintin was looking at him with eyebrows raised in what was probably shock and confusion. "But, Captain…I…How…How could you not know?"

"By thunder, what do you mean, how could I not know? I…" started the Captain, but Tintin had not finished. He was still speaking, looking uncharacteristically distressed, and it was making him uncomfortable.

"…my closest friend," Tintin was declaring somewhat accusingly. "Do you mean to tell me after all this time you still don't know?"

"Wh…What? No, no! I didn't mean it like that. I was just wondering…"

"Everyone knows...And you - You've known me for years! You've never asked before..."

"Tintin, forget it. It's all right, really," said the Captain quickly.

"I thought you knew!"

"Er, no…I mean yes! Blister…" The Captain was casting around desperately for something to say. "I…It's not that I didn't know. Of…Of course I knew - everyone knows, like you said…"

"Then why did you…?" Tintin began, but -

"I-I was just asking! Thundering typhoons, Tintin, you didn't have to make such a fuss!"

Tintin's eyes widened slightly at the outburst, then he looked mortified. "I…I can't believe it, Captain," he stammered. "I sincerely thought you didn't know!" He clapped his hands over his face.

"I, er…I knew, of course. Who wouldn't?" muttered the Captain dazedly as Tintin hunched over, shoulders shaking with laughter.

"How could I overreact like that?…And it was all just a misunderstanding! Ah, I don't know what's wrong with me today."

"Don't think about it, Tintin, it happens. I've always known. Obviously. I was just, er…was only asking…to confirm it, you know. A bit silly to think otherwise…"

Tintin nodded, his head in his hands, his face flushed and sheepish.

"Now, you…just sit there. I'll go see what Cuthbert's up to."

And a bewildered Captain Haddock left the room, feeling guilty for causing Tintin's embarrassment, feeling foolish for not knowing at all what he had assured Tintin that he did, feeling frustrated that the entire blistering exercise had over all come to nothing, and very, very badly in need of a glass of whisky.